I tired to get out of bed today, but it didn’t work.

I tried to feel the love today, the love fell short.

I tried not to cry, but my strength was gone.

I was hoping you’d notice me falling into sadness, but you never responded.

I was hoping to be saved, but no one came.

— — —

I need familiarity. I’m traveling for work, my dog is boarded, my girlfriend is an hour and a half away, and I’m in a small city with nothing to do. If my girlfriend was in the same situation I would run to her if she needed me. I’m not sure she would do the same, I think it all would depend on her mood. I can see myself asking and getting a response of her wanting to be with family because they need her or something that wouldn’t be helpful to me. So I don’t ask. I tend to not ask for the things I need in some situations and work to comfort myself. I feel when you can truly comfort yourself and provide yourself emotional security, you won’t need that from anyone else. You may want it, but what you provided yourself will be enough.

I think if I had my dog, I’d be in much better shape. I haven’t seen him in 8 days which feels like forever. I have more of an appreciation for our relationship. We haven’t been apart from one another for longer than 12 hours, so this is new for us both. This is silly but what if he doesn’t remember me? My heart would be so sad but I know he will.

I’m supposed to go visit my parents today. Parts of me just would like to sleep and other parts want to go. It has nothing to do with home but everything to do with me. I’m isolated and I’m starting to fall into sadness. Isolation for me is a trigger. I have no dog, no person, and I’m alone in a city with nothing to really offer but water views.